Friday, 23 October 2009
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animal shelter
i'm going to the animal shelter tomorrow to adopt a puppy. it's been a week or so of research now and i've decided that what i want is not what i can handle. i want a big hairy dog but i can only handle a medium sized short haired dog because i want him inside the house.
when i told my friend this i compared it to dating.
i want a husky* but i can't handle one.
i date slutty girls but i can never marry one.
but at least i'm smart enough to stop punishing myself with delusions once i realize it. besides, i can always get a husky in the future. who says i can't have more than one dog once i'm ready? they can all stay outside in my big back yard and keep each other company.
i put in an application to be a foster home for some dogs yesterday. i think i can probably keep 3 big dogs in the back yard. this serves 2 purposes. 1) when i adopt my puppy, it'll be familiarized with other dogs so there won't be any problems in the future 2) i can help.
in other news, i'm wondering why it seems like the older one is trying to turn me against the younger one... and it's working. i wasn't so fond of the younger one to begin with but i kept it kosher. now, i'm not so sure. i was never good at being 2 faced.
**huskies are playful and more interested in figuring things out like escaping from the yard, then learning tricks. in other words, they're not very obedient dogs.
Monday, 19 October 2009
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Symphony at Carnegie Hall
i watched an orchestra perform at carnegie hall today... and i did it from home! how cool is that! it's actually the youtube orchestra performed by several VERY talented musicians from around the world, found, recruited, and auditioned all via youtube. ladies and gentlemen, this is the future!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueJcRmfweSM
the second half is definitely better. check out 19:09. wow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cS653udPCM&feature=video_response
i just thought of something. the intellectuals were oppressed in the middle ages and that set us back several hundred years in technology and science. of course there are others. so what are we doing now that is delaying our own advances as human beings for the future generations? i assume waging wars would be one...
and i always thought that "heroes" would be how the x-men universe started, and by the look of season 3 (which is where i left off last year) i'm right.
Sunday, 18 October 2009
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Yesterday
i spent the day with stace.
we went to visit bill at frank n sons where he set up a halloween costume booth. there was a 1981 dodger's guy signing things, so before we left bill went to get an autographed picture. the dude signed his name and stacy asks, "hey, can you put i love you... bill?" he was about to do it until he realized what she was asking. she said it so nonchalantly and naturally that no one thought anything of it until he hesitated and asked "bill?" of course he didn't do it but we were laughing hysterically.
later on we went to have sushi at some restaurant in the montebello mall. it was pretty damn good considering it was mall sushi. there was a cute waitress and stacy and i thought he same thing
simultaneously,
stace: she's your type!
me: she's cute
so when our guy waiter came, stacy's friend elliot requested the waitress and blurted that it was for stace. the waiter says "o yeah? she swings that way too! i'll ask her to help me with this table so you can talk to her." seconds later, she was here.
since it was all done for me, i felt obligated to say something. i mean, if i didn't then i would look like a wimp. i mean, i am a wimp but they don't know that... so i asked, "what's your name?"
a conversation ensued but i don't remember most of it. i just remember asking at one point if she had a girlfriend, a boyfriend, and if i could get a beer. what i do remember is blurting out that that she was cute and she should give me her number.
this is how i did it. i said, "hey, i think you're really cute and 'm trying to work up the courage to ask you for your number." (point at beer) "you wanna just help me out here and give it to me?"
she replies "oh no, i just got out of a relationship and i'm not over it. actually, it just happened yesterday." at this point stace comes to the rescue and plays the sympathy card, "oh i'm sorry. are you okay?" and i'm saved from further embarrassment. i mumble something to the tune of "oh i see. damn that sucks. i hope everything works out." what i thought of saying was "oh i see. damn that sucks. you know what helps? having him see you having a good time. besides, i just want to be friends," but i didn't pursue it. i didn't like manipulating people and i don't like playing second fiddle. i was always horrible at rebounding, both being and having.
elliot asked her if she could have a drink with us and she says no, not because she doesn't want to but because the owner won't let her, not to mention she just turned 18. 18... boy, that would've looked bad.
when it's time to get the check, she comes out of nowhere and says that she works at a different store on the weekdays. we joked that she was hinting at something, and she probably was but i can't go for that. we're a universe apart.
but i indulged her. "yeah? are you trying to hint at something? i guess i could come stalk you on monday or something." but of course i'm not going to. i'm just flirting now.
all in all, it felt good to see my family and friend. i miss them but i'm glad i don't see them all the time. some of them get on my nerves. besides, it makes our limited time together more enjoyable.
and i haven't been smoking or drinking for the past few days. the thought actually makes me sick. i guess i finally climbed out of the pot hole.
1. should i get a dog? 1 year old, big, short haired, pit bull breed - american bully
2. starter violin for around $150 or baby grand piano for $1000?
Sunday, 04 October 2009
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long week
it's been a long week.
i noticed i am entirely too critical on myself. hence, my lack of capitalizations is my first step towards rebellion. against what you ask? i have no idea. not knowing's part of the rebellion too.
i've started jump roping. apparently, my jump rope doubles as a torture device. very effective, too. after 5 minutes i learned never to jump rope shirtless, or shoe-less.
i feel like a fat slob, yet it's a good feeling. it means i'm going to snap out of it soon. history has repeated itself for the last 20 years and i don't expect it to be any different this time around. i call my downward spiral into this slobhood my "pothole" because i tend to smoke a ridiculous amount of weed. in a lot of ways, falling into a pothole is like a vacation for me because i binge on everything i shouldn't.
the start of my descent into the pothole is begins with a major change. this time it was a dui, which snowballed into jailtime, losing my job, losing my house, and ultimately a permanent felony record, unemployment and homelessnesss. last time it was a breakup. the time before it was a house fire. and the list goes on...
"pothole" is the perfect term because i fall victim to despair, and the only thing getting me through the days is to smoke weed, which is what i do. i guess it helps me deal with depression or something, but sometimes i wonder if weed is what makes me depressed. other times, i wonder if i'm even depressed at all or just plain bored. i mean, it's not like i think about suicide or anything, although i have thought about it before. no, this pothole is full of self revelations and reflection. it's kinda hard to explain. i guess being in a pothole gives me time to know myself and what i want in life, not what i think i want. it's a subtle difference, akin to me liking classical music but i bump rap.
so what i'll do is withdraw from the world and disappear. i like to be by myself during these times. although i'll admit i like to meet random strangers too because i don't feel the need to explain. i guess i just don't want to explain to others where i've been or what i'm doing, or why i can't drive and why i can't make it to their birthday party where i'll be bombarded with questions. i love my friends but i don't want to be reminded of how my life turned to shit every time i see them.
i digress...
the end of my binging spree usually starts when i feel my worst. i used to contemplate suicide at the bottom of my descent. nothing special or emotional. just a reasonable rationalization of what would happen and why. i remember thinking that it would be stupid to kill myself because i can still do things for others. i can volunteer in africa or south america somewhere. maybe dedicate my life to the military or greenpeace. maybe even pick a religion and preach about making the world a better place, although i'm not religious in the least. i just don't think i should let myself go to waste. besides, there are people out there that depend on me. i can't let them down.
but i can't help others if i can't even help myself, right? that's what my dad always said.
my first step?
set up a daily routine to work towards what i want
my second step?
let the momentum of life's natural high take me away
and i gotta admit. natural high is the greatest feeling in the world. i imagine that's how it feels to save a thousand puppies or something.
so, what place am i at right now? i would say i'm near the bottom. the drinking and smoking continues but i'm not deriving pleasure from it anymore. i suspect it'll be another couple weeks of wandering around the bottom before i decide i've had enough and climb out.
this time is slightly different though. i don't think i want to go back into the pothole again and i've never said that before. the truth is, i've been thinking about my future a lot, and i think my future family deserves the future me, not the me now. i'm still a work-in-progress.
ok, i'm running out of time so imma summarize everything else.
-roy talked me into buying the mmorpg game aion. bastard. i knew my addictive personality will get caught up in this stupid game.
-got promoted. should start the beginning of next year.
-vacation in november and december. haven't decided where yet but i know vegas is in the stars. i'm considering visiting new york, san francisco, and san diego too. it's been a while since i saw those guys and i should take advantage of the fact that they're there.
-violin or a piano? guitar maybe?
-i've been slacking on the pix-a-day thing. need to upload.
-started cooking lately and i'm really enjoying it. turns out that it's easy once you figure out the basics.
-been watching dexter on demand lately and i'm finding myself talking to the tv. great show. it's genius.
-having problems changing my xanga background and theme. it's really pissing me off. if i knew it would be like this i wouldn't have gotten a lifetime membership. -
Random News
random news i thought was interesting last week
1. a police bloodhound wrongfully accuses a retired texas sheriff of murder. apparently, texas is the only place in the world where dogs can talk. go figure.
2. there was a big flood in georgia and the governor asked president obama to declare a state of emergency due to flooding. i somehow expected kanye west to say something stupid somewhere, but i suppose it was kinda too soon to make himself look like an idiot again after the taylor swift mtv incident.
3. a couple found out they were given the wrong embryo for their in vitro. their choices? have an abortion or give the baby to the biological parents. they could file a lawsuit but there's one precedent in new york (1999) and it didn't go well for the surrogates. they opted to give the baby up to the bio parents.
4. some dude hides cocaine in his 4 year old son's jacket and tells him it's candy. his son then goes to school and shares it with his friends. the teacher sees this and calls the cops, and the father was arrested. i imagine the kids probably didn't even like the taste but kept eating it anyways.
5. this cracks me up. in chattanooga, tennessee, a man dares people to bet him $5 that he couldn't swim across a flooded storm ditch. despite the fact that no one took the bet, he jumps into the water anyways and was swept away. he's presumed dead. all i could think about was that his life was worth nothing, not even $5. so sad and yet so hilariously stupid.
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jY2kTWNNvCRNaC5zroxWes08qYnQD9AQ2SMG1
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32950836/ns/today-today_health/
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2009/09/mt-preview-947c5ded2485d235d235d83ee259c1905b2f1a6b.html
http://www.wate.com/Global/story.asp?S=11168860
Friday, 18 September 2009
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I liked it better when you were in jail, says my mom
I haven't had a cell phone since March, and my mom is bugging me to get one...Mom: Get a phone. I can't call you. Why don't you have a phone?Me: I like not having one. It's liberating. You know, like... free? It seems like I have a cell phone for other people's convenience or something. Without a phone, I can call them instead, and not worry abou-Mom: Just get a phone, okay? Wait a minute. Were you talking about me?Me: ... Wait, what?Mom: Gosh son. I just want to know where you're at and talk to you. I kind of liked it better when you were in jail and I knew where you were at all the time. That was nice...Me: ... ... ... Wait, what?
Thursday, 17 September 2009
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Back on Track
I started slacking on working out and eating right since my release from rehab in June (long story).So, today I started jogging again. Twice, actually. I also threw up twice. Once at 6:30 in the morning and once at night. But I gotta admit I felt pretty good though. It's been a while and I totally forgot what it was like to have that natural high again. They even have a term for it. I think it's called a "jogger's high."I also decided to start a photoblog documenting my changes. It'll be interesting to see the changes. Unfortunately, that album will be set to private, at least for now.I was gonna take a picture of the sunrise this morning when I went jogging but the battery in my camera died. The view of a sunrise here is great, something I really missed when I was in jail (part of the rehab story that'll come later).Here's a random but very significant pix. It plays a big role in my life that I'll explain alongside the rehab story sometime.
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
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Exposed!! (Not in a queer kinda way...)
8.03.2003 - A young Alex begins an online blog, partly because his love interest had one, but mainly because he needs to find someone to listen. You see, he's a better listener than a talker so he helps shoulder other people's burdens. He feels that there are always needier people out there, people who need someone to listen, and he can help. It was easy. Just shut up and pay attention.Over time, he starts blogging regularly. After several blogs he becomes confident in himself and decides to let his friends on Friendster know. Once people knew about it, he felt the pressure to be interesting, and that takes dedication (dedication??? what??).So, life happens and he loses interest in blogging because it takes more and more effort. Besides, there are better things to do like play basketball, hang out with friends, study, etc etc.Even though he stopped blogging he never forgot about the girl who got him started. He even went to visit her when she taught overseas... but that's a different story for a different time...And even though he stopped blogging, every few months or so he would go online to see if she wrote anything. Maybe one day she'll write about him and realize her buried feelings for him. He didn't really believe it but w/e.But he did realize something. Maybe he can start writing about her and maybe she'll read it. Maybe she'll run back to him and realize that he was the one for her. All these maybes...In his excitement, Alex forgets that he's already exposed himself to people online. Namely, people he grew up with. They're not just Friendster or Facebook friends but real friends. And without discretion he continues to spill his beans online thinking he's anonymous. And life goes on.Well... today a very close friend messaged me on Xanga. We've known each other since elementary school and talk maybe once a year or so. Imagine my surprise. Anyhow, Brian, I want my computer.Today's pix
"It's not really a bachelor pad w/o humongous bottles of alcohol, right?"
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
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First day alone
My roommate started moving out today, which leaves me by myself in a house. He took the TV, DVD player, Xbox, PS3 and the Wii, which is cool because it's all his anyways. Pretty much everything in this house is his.He's moving back to Rowland where he'll be hanging out, eating good Chinese food, and generally keeping himself busy with everything the city has to offer. I, on the other hand, have a suspended license. That's why I spent all day at costco yesterday shopping for what will seem like forever.But with all this free time on my hand, I have decided to try something. I got the idea from Julie Santos. Basically, the idea is to take a picture a day and keep a photo journal for a year. It seems like fun and I'm sure there'll be some good, some bad, but most importantly it'll keep me sane. Besides, it might help me blog more and not just write something and post it a year later.So, for today...
And hopefully this video will still be here in the future when I look back at this entry. It's a video I ripped off from sheegwa's blog. It's great. I love how it looks cheesy but totally innocent and heartwarming. Kinda makes me feel like the world is a good place once again, like when I was a kid before responsibilities and girl drama and whatnot...
Thursday, 10 September 2009
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NFL Sunday Kicks Off with a Drink
JAGERMEISTER + COKE!!!!! YES! Thank you fallontears! Thank you internet! And THANK YOU GOD! I'm literally having an euphoric moment as I head towards the fridge. I had to check my crotch to see if I stained myself. No. Okay, good. The game's gonna start any moment and I need to be fully prepared - that means my drink, a big screen TV, and a willingness to keep the NFL spirit alive! I remember when I first got into this whole NFL thing. It was all Mikey's doing - football, BBQ, and alcohol.Everything just goes together. It's our comfort zone. We have our-comfort food (dim sum and pho),-comfort music (fallout boys, t-pain, kanye),-comfort drinks (jack + diet coke),-our comfort zone (rowland, diamond bar), and-our comfort sports (football, lakers).Mikey's pad (my old roommate) was in Diamond Bar, so we would be watching all the games while drinking jack and coke and barbeque-ing. There'll be music outside by the garage and usually there will be 3-5 of us.But it's okay that I'm drinking and watching the game by myself right now. Really.Even though I don't like Jager, it's there and it does the job. Besides, it's all I had in the house. Reminds me of that time when Mikey drank a bottle of Vermouth because we ran outta alcohol at the pad and it was too late to go out and buy some. I had the Vermouth because I was taking a bartending class and wanted to see what it tasted like in drinks. I didn't think you can take shots of the stuff but Mikey was glad to prove me wrong. As it turns out, my limit is a big bottle of Jack and 3 bottles of wine. Ronnie's was a bottle of Jack. And Mikey's was the entire CVS store.But right now I know how he felt looking for liquor but finding crap. Oh well. At least Jager tastes better than Vermouth.
Friday, 28 August 2009
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Master. Your Pride.
Dedicated to Carolyn Kizer's "Bitch"Something I remember wanting to write since an English project I did on Carolyn Kizer back in 2004. Her poem caught my attention with the imaginative conflict between her and her inner bitch, and I thought it would be cool to write a poem about the man she is talking to, maybe use an alpha dog or wolf as the male inner voice. Looking back now, I can't believe how stupid that sounded. Maybe years later I'll look at this and think it's stupid too, and rewrite it. hahahttp://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=24882It's been forever since what was left unfinished, like my feelings for you.I miss you. Even as I catch that flash of hurt,I know we can never be againBut I wish we can be friends.Your voice slightly higher than usual as you say "Nice to see you,"And my Pride stifles my confessions.Remember. Not the same now."Likewise," I say. Good.You ask about my children; my proudest mistakes.I reply with love and turn the subject to you.No point bringing up the separation and imminent divorce.Useless to let you know your role now.Pride. Take responsibility.A decision was made. Live with it."Fine. I'm just fine," you say.No traces of hurt anymore. GoneAre the flashes of emotion I saw earlier,The subtle reminders of how you loved meAnd needed me after a long day home alone;How you looked longingly up at meAs we held each other on the moonlit beach;Or, the moment of confusion when I did the unthinkableAnd took me away from us.But I'm sure none of this is relevantAs you remember only the badAnd the ultimate betrayal in the endWhen I said fly. I'm just holding you down.With sincerity, you say "it's nice to know you are doing so well."Pride. A teardrop once, maybe. But not now.She couldn't grow with you. And now,She outgrew you. You're an animal. She deserves better.You wish my wife (bitch) the best,While I choke on my pride, as I watch you walk away.As I wave my goodbye.
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
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Researchers Disappointed to Find Cocaine Does Not Grow on Money (and 100% of Californians are using)
It is a Zuo family philosophy that money is the dirtiest thing in the world, and that inspired a young Yuegang Zuo to become a professor of chemistry and biochemistry at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, where he just finished a research on currency, finding cocaine on 90% of US bills and 100% of California bills; he hopes to use this data to track down the circulation of cocaine across the U.S. and maybe profit from his experiments. In a later interview, he admits he plans on making cocaine less hazardous by experimenting with larger amounts.A big motivator for Zuo is his ongoing feud with Adam Negursz, a professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago. He mocks Adam Negursz, a fellow researcher, by calling him "only an associate professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago" because he tries to defraud the science community with his idiotic research on "cocaine growth." This is based on history between the two dating back to 1998 when a very disappointed Negrusz published his findings that "uncirculated bills contained no cocaine." Zuo calls this experiment ridiculous and the researchers, lazy.In a separate study done by professor Zuo, 100% of bills in California have traces of cocaine, amongst other major U.S. cities. But he believes California is different because California has movie stars and wannabe movie stars. The real surprise is to find that 100% of one-dollar bills have cocaine residue. Perhaps California has found a bigger cash crop than marijuana - coca plants.
Friday, 14 August 2009
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Taiwan President "Villagers' Own Fault for Death," Villagers Agree
re: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090814/ap_on_re_as/as_asia_storm
More than half a village (380 out of 600 people) was wiped out in the Southern Taiwan Village of Shiao Lin by a killer typhoon Saturday, August 8th. After much speculation, it appears the villagers were at fault. President Ma Ying-Jeou of Taiwan agrees, stating, "They were not fully prepared. If they were, they should have been evacuated much earlier."Spokesperson for President Ma's Administration, Yi Ar San-Si, said the President is absolutely correct in his statement. "Had the villagers been prepared," Yi says, "they would not have succumbed to [their] God's wrath. They really need to take responsibilities for this. It is nobody's fault but their own, especially with the advance warning given a few hours before. Survival is not hard. You just have to really want it."Spokesperson Yi believe there are several things the villagers could have done to minimize their losses:1. Leave. Just walk away. There's only 600 people in your village. Start over somewhere else.2. Ride it out. You knew it was coming so be prepared. Bring your pets and some water, and hide. If you have a table, go under it.3. If you can't hide somewhere safe, then strap yourself to a tree. The bigger the tree the better. It will protect you from everything, except fires, bears and cougars. Pandas are okay.4. Pray. There is no better time to pray then before a major natural disaster. It might actually be the most important time to do so.In the wake of this disaster, China has decided to help with a massive relief effort, sending money and microwave meals to the villages hardest hit. Although it will be quite some time before microwaves or grocery stores will be introduced to the village of Shiao Lin, the villagers are optimistic. "We will pray harder next time," says local resident Da Bun-Dai, "we will be okay."Former President George W. Bush also decided to take part by visiting the disaster strickened country Thursday afternoon, and is rumored to be back at his Ranch in Crawford, Texas, hours later.
Above: President Bush acknowledges the displaced on the way to President Ma's Townhouse. -
Amazon Item for Sale
Here's a little something I came across on Mancouch.com. Personally, I would want the Ultra Thin UN-lubricated condoms, but that's just me.
Sunday, 02 August 2009
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re: Cold Feet
http://www.datingish.com/708707450/im-getting-cold-feet/?cuttag=true#
Living together with your significant other (SO) can be the greatest experience in the world... or the worst. There is no middle ground; Middle of the road couple would be boring and passionless. But like all things in life, it is a rewarding experience if you can handle it. It may be intense for some and enlightening to others, but every one will walk away having learned something.1. AcceptanceNo matter how confident you seem to others, there will always be moments of self-doubt. That's normal. It's usually when we do something we think is embarassing in front of others. But your SO doesn't care and will accept you anyways.
2. It's a commitmentThere is no refunds. No moving out with two weeks notice. Nothing. You are in it for the long run. If you crave stability, security, and the marriage life, then this is for you. Otherwise, you will find it tedious and impossible. Can you imagine hating the person you wake up to everyday?3. Sexual preferencesJeff Foxworthy said in his standup that he wouldn't cheat on his wife because he knows the combination to her lock. Why learn a new one? He is absolutely right. After living together for a month or two, you should know your SO's every like and dislike. Result? Better sex.
4. Future?What about the future? Marriage? Kids? How many? These questions need answers. Last thing you want is to find out 3 years down the road that your SO doesn't like kids, can't stand them, and will eat them if he/she can. Now's the real dilemma. Will you stay with your 3 year investment, or will you let your SO destroy your dreams?5. Friends and Family PlanWhat friends to keep? What family to socialize with? You will most likely have to stop hanging out with your wild cousin or your slutty sister and her friends. They are considered those people now.6. It desensitizes you to break-ups.Let's say you live with your SO and it doesn't work out. You have just experienced a mini-divorce. Too many of these and eventually you won't care anymore.At the end of it all, each relationship helps mold your image of "The One," that one person you were destined for. If you live together, it helps mold your ideal marriage. Eventually, you'll know exactly what you want, what you can handle, and what you can stand in any relationship. Sometimes, you'll find that what you want is not what you need, and vice versa. But before you make any major decisions, always keep in mind that living together is only a step away from engagement, two steps away from marriage, and an accident away from a family.Happy domesticating!
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
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Memorable Quotes: Real Love vs Romantic Love
In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person."
~Margaret Anderson
So I've been reading famous quotes these days and I came across this one. It makes me think of all my past relationships. Are they just that - love, without any romance? Because if the answer is yes, then the question becomes: did I REALLY love them? What does real romance entail? Hell, what does romantic love even mean?COMMENTARY 8/14/2009Rereading this entry made me wonder what I was thinking. Love without romance? Did I really love them if there was love but no romance?? I wouldn't read this person's blog if they paid me. Good thing it was only 4 or 5 sentences long because I would be pissed if it took any longer for me to find out I was wasting my time.But what I think I was trying to say is that I start out a relationship wanting them, then it transitions to wanting the best for them even if it meant without me. So, I guess I start out with romantic love and it mutates into real love... then we break up. It's like the life of a gnat. Short and to the point. -
Memorable quotes "Great things in life are unseen"
Some of the greater things in life are unseen. That's why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream..
~Anonymous
I read this quote on 100 memorable quotes - "cute boyfriend quotes" (and no, I don't have a boyfriend... I don't swing on that kinda swing - nothing against you that do). It makes so much sense though that when we do something we love, we close our eyes. And no, I didn't mean anything perverted by it. FYI, I close my eyes when I'm on a roller coaster. I'm simply saying that aside from death, we close our eyes during times of profound imaginative moments, such as kissing the 'potential love of our life' or crying over the person who affected our life in one way or another.Commentary 8/14/2009I must've been in love or something because this sounds really mushy... although I don't remember having a love interest at this time of my life...
Monday, 17 November 2008
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Eventual Heartlessness: Use it or lose it
My mom suffers from bouts of fatigue and dizziness and is in Taiwan right now getting it checked. Apparently, she has a heart condition where one of her left heart valves doesn't closing all the way. She emails me to let me know that we have a family history of heart problems. Great. That explains a lot.
For one, I always suspected my laziness to be a medical condition and now I know it is. It also explains why I notice my heart beats unusually hard at times. So, what does all that mean? It means I should do more adrenaline pumping activities until I get old and my heart can't take it anymore... with discretion, of course.
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
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ENTJ
The Executive
As an ENTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
ENTJs are natural born leaders. They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them. They have a drive for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgments. They are "take charge" people.
ENTJs are very career-focused, and fit into the corporate world quite naturally. They are constantly scanning their environment for potential problems which they can turn into solutions. They generally see things from a long-range perspective, and are usually successful at identifying plans to turn problems around - especially problems of a corporate nature. ENTJs are usually successful in the business world, because they are so driven to leadership. They're tireless in their efforts on the job, and driven to visualize where an organization is headed. For these reasons, they are natural corporate leaders.
There is not much room for error in the world of the ENTJ. They dislike to see mistakes repeated, and have no patience with inefficiency. They may become quite harsh when their patience is tried in these respects, because they are not naturally tuned in to people's feelings, and more than likely don't believe that they should tailor their judgments in consideration for people's feelings. ENTJs, like many types, have difficulty seeing things from outside their own perspective. Unlike other types, ENTJs naturally have little patience with people who do not see things the same way as the ENTJ. The ENTJ needs to consciously work on recognizing the value of other people's opinions, as well as the value of being sensitive towards people's feelings. In the absence of this awareness, the ENTJ will be a forceful, intimidating and overbearing individual. This may be a real problem for the ENTJ, who may be deprived of important information and collaboration from others. In their personal world, it can make some ENTJs overbearing as spouses or parents.
The ENTJ has a tremendous amount of personal power and presence which will work for them as a force towards achieving their goals. However, this personal power is also an agent of alienation and self-aggrandizement, which the ENTJ would do well to avoid.
ENTJs are very forceful, decisive individuals. They make decisions quickly, and are quick to verbalize their opinions and decisions to the rest of the world. The ENTJ who has not developed their Intuition will make decisions too hastily, without understanding all of the issues and possible solutions. On the other hand, an ENTJ who has not developed their Thinking side will have difficulty applying logic to their insights, and will often make poor decisions. In that case, they may have brilliant ideas and insight into situations, but they may have little skill at determining how to act upon their understanding, or their actions may be inconsistent. An ENTJ who has developed in a generally less than ideal way may become dictatorial and abrasive - intrusively giving orders and direction without a sound reason for doing so, and without consideration for the people involved.
Although ENTJs are not naturally tuned into other people's feelings, these individuals frequently have very strong sentimental streaks. Often these sentiments are very powerful to the ENTJ, although they will likely hide it from general knowledge, believing the feelings to be a weakness. Because the world of feelings and values is not where the ENTJ naturally functions, they may sometimes make value judgments and hold onto submerged emotions which are ill-founded and inappropriate, and will cause them problems - sometimes rather serious problems.
ENTJs love to interact with people. As Extroverts, they're energized and stimulated primarily externally. There's nothing more enjoyable and satisfying to the ENTJ than having a lively, challenging conversation. They especially respect people who are able to stand up to the ENTJ, and argue persuasively for their point of view. There aren't too many people who will do so, however, because the ENTJ is a very forceful and dynamic presence who has a tremendous amount of self-confidence and excellent verbal communication skills. Even the most confident individuals may experience moments of self-doubt when debating a point with an ENTJ.
ENTJs want their home to be beautiful, well-furnished, and efficiently run. They're likely to place much emphasis on their children being well-educated and structured, to desire a congenial and devoted relationship with their spouse. At home, the ENTJ needs to be in charge as much as he or she does in their career. The ENTJ is likely best paired with someone who has a strong self-image, who is also a Thinking type. Because the ENTJ is primarily focused on their careers, some ENTJs have a problem with being constantly absent from home, physically or mentally.
The ENTJ has many gifts which make it possible for them to have a great deal of personal power, if they don't forget to remain balanced in their lives. The are assertive, innovative, long-range thinkers with an excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into solid plans of action. They are usually tremendously forceful personalities, and have the tools to accomplish whatever goals they set out for.
Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Extraverted Thinking
Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition
Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing
Inferior: Introverted FeelingThe Funny Description
ENTJ: The Evil Overlord
The ENTJ is best characterized by his charisma, his ability to grasp complex situations and to think flexibly and creatively, his keen and active intelligence, and his overwhelming desire to crush the world beneath his boot. ENTJs are naturally outgoing and love the company of other people, particulalry minions, henchmen, slaves, and the others they rule with ruthless efficiency.
ENTJs usually die at the hand of secret government agents in a fiery cataclysm that destroys their entire underground fortress. Often, Evil Overlords will have a secret clone whose implanted memories contain all the knowledge and ambition of the original, stored in cryonic suspension in a safe location. The clone will appear in a sequel.
RECREATION: ENTJs enjoy spending their leisure time in groups, seeking out the company of others with whom they can exchange strategies and ideas, and test their mind control rays. They also enjoy competitive games which challenge them intellectually, such as chess, go, and "tell me where the missiles are or I'll open the pirhana cage and the girl dies."
COMPATIBILITY: Ideal companions include ENTPs, whose inventive natures often most useful; and ESTJs, who make excellent henchmen once the neural realignment is complete. ENTJs often employ the services of ISTJs but don't usually make good romantic partners with them. Under no circumstances should an ENTJ ever date an ENFJ; no good can come of it.
Famous ENTJs include Ming the Merciless, John Bigboote, and Charles Montgomery Burns.
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
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Visualize This
I visualize us.
I really do.
I love you, so I think of nothing but us.
Nothing. So simple yet not. Not
Nothing. That is what you have become.
Nothing, love, because I love you.
Nothing, because I don't want to hurt anymore.
Nothing. Everything I have become, is because
you have become nothing
To me. I love you, but I have you.
Go to hell.
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- Name: Alex
- Gender: Male
- Member Since: 8/3/2003
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